Quick update

I've been working out on and off for the past month and the hurting is starting to kick in. I'm getting further long in the program in such that I'm lasting longer through the work outs. I'm able to do a little more and with that it hurts a little more.

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I also did the March Of Dimes, March for Babies last weekend. It was fun. I did it alone because everyone on our office team didn't show up. That doesn't matter seeing as how if they did, I wouldn't have walked with them because they're all slow and fat and would have held me up. The walk itself wasn't bad, not nearly as long as I figured a 3 mile walk would be. The only thing is my feet really started to hurt near the end, but I just need to get better shoes for walking. Afterward I grabbed some Subway and went home, watched some of the hockey playoffs, then took a super long nap. I guess the walk wore me out pretty good.

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At 12am midnight May 1, I will have completed my month long no drinking period. So I will have a drink to celebrate. Not too much, I have to get up early that Saturday.

On my meds, and off the booze...

So I've been popping my anti-depressants for about a little over month and I guess I can tell a little difference. It's all part of that chemical trail I'm doing to see if this drug which is normally used in physical therapy in the US and England can also be used as an anti-depression medication. I've had less deep mood swings and lows and I can identify those rapid negative thoughts a lot easier than I use to, as in the past they were just part of my normal thought processes. I was and still I'm putting myself down and not thinking in the matter that is healthy for me but I am getting better.

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I’ve stopped drinking alcohol this whole month. It’s been a real bitch for me, more than it should be. You see I normally follow the ‘tradition’ of giving up something for Lent (the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday; for those who may not know). I’m not Catholic, but I do believe in Jesus so giving on a habit for 40 days is a small price to pay for what Jesus did for us, dying for our sins. I’m not going to get all preachy here; this is more of a personal background story to what I’m really going with from the beginning.

So for a month or so I’d stop drinking for a few more reasons besides Lent. One of these to make sure I can actually do it and that I have enough will power to stay off booze for a month. This way if I can do a month I can do two months and then three and then six and so on, and I don’t have to worry too much about becoming an alcoholic. But I am having a harder time than usual this go around. It’s normally the first weekend which is the worst for that when the cravings kick in but normally after that it tappers off, but this time I’m thinking about it EVERYDAY!! I don’t ever remember wanting a drink so badly. And it’s at all weird times of the day; mostly during the evening like at 7:30 on a Tuesday. A fuckin Tuesday! I’m not a week day drinker; I’m a weekend boozer, Friday, Saturday, maybe a Sunday. From me to be drinking on a Tuesday would require something special, like the Playoffs, and even then I’m not going on a bender. I don’t really go on benders during the weekend (anymore) so why do I want it on a Tuesday?!

The other reason is to help me lose weight. Less booze, less calorie intake, less I have to work off. That’s all gone in the shitter since I seem to be eating I hell of a lot more, especially sweets, candy and all kinds of fucking sugar. But this is a rant for another day.

So you maybe saying to yourself “Hey, Easter was weeks ago! Why are you having sure a hard time with this now”, that’s true but the fact is that I could not stick with it during Lent; I’d break down every time I try to get started. And then there is St. Patrick’s Day, dead in the middle of Lent, a true bitch of a day to stop drinking if there ever was a day. So I pushed it back to the month of April and started my own personal Lent. I know it’s not the full time allowed in Lent but I think I may keep it this way. I get St. Pattie’s which is cool and I still get to practice self-discipline by giving up a simple luxury.

I’m so looking forward to May 1^st, and by that I mean May 1^st, 12:00 am. I’m going to get… something… my favorite beer or rum and wait till midnight! I’m over the hump now. Just two more weeks! I should do this with no real problem but the cravings are still there. My biggest fear is that I have a monkey on my back which I never until now.

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