More crap from me...

Haven't blogged here in a while, been over a year. I guess I'm restarting trying to boost up...something... I don't know... my readership on the incredibly unimportant happenings of my life . Not sure why I am, I had stopped because I had nothing nothing good to say, and still don't. A lot has happened over the past year but nothing I can think of worth going into. Still at war with myself, my weight, my art, my lack of a love life and my love of booze. Now that is the part I can't understand is why I continue the self imposed probation when time after time I've proven to myself that alcohol is a neutral factor my the path of improving my life. It's doesn't help, AT ALL, but in moderate amounts it does not hurt neither. Which is what I guess why I'm really blogging, to get my thoughts out, to help evaluate the goings on in my life. By openly stating my problems and issues I am see solutions in the words I've written more than the ones in my head.


That's it for now...

Quick update

I've been working out on and off for the past month and the hurting is starting to kick in. I'm getting further long in the program in such that I'm lasting longer through the work outs. I'm able to do a little more and with that it hurts a little more.

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I also did the March Of Dimes, March for Babies last weekend. It was fun. I did it alone because everyone on our office team didn't show up. That doesn't matter seeing as how if they did, I wouldn't have walked with them because they're all slow and fat and would have held me up. The walk itself wasn't bad, not nearly as long as I figured a 3 mile walk would be. The only thing is my feet really started to hurt near the end, but I just need to get better shoes for walking. Afterward I grabbed some Subway and went home, watched some of the hockey playoffs, then took a super long nap. I guess the walk wore me out pretty good.

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At 12am midnight May 1, I will have completed my month long no drinking period. So I will have a drink to celebrate. Not too much, I have to get up early that Saturday.

On my meds, and off the booze...

So I've been popping my anti-depressants for about a little over month and I guess I can tell a little difference. It's all part of that chemical trail I'm doing to see if this drug which is normally used in physical therapy in the US and England can also be used as an anti-depression medication. I've had less deep mood swings and lows and I can identify those rapid negative thoughts a lot easier than I use to, as in the past they were just part of my normal thought processes. I was and still I'm putting myself down and not thinking in the matter that is healthy for me but I am getting better.

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I’ve stopped drinking alcohol this whole month. It’s been a real bitch for me, more than it should be. You see I normally follow the ‘tradition’ of giving up something for Lent (the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday; for those who may not know). I’m not Catholic, but I do believe in Jesus so giving on a habit for 40 days is a small price to pay for what Jesus did for us, dying for our sins. I’m not going to get all preachy here; this is more of a personal background story to what I’m really going with from the beginning.

So for a month or so I’d stop drinking for a few more reasons besides Lent. One of these to make sure I can actually do it and that I have enough will power to stay off booze for a month. This way if I can do a month I can do two months and then three and then six and so on, and I don’t have to worry too much about becoming an alcoholic. But I am having a harder time than usual this go around. It’s normally the first weekend which is the worst for that when the cravings kick in but normally after that it tappers off, but this time I’m thinking about it EVERYDAY!! I don’t ever remember wanting a drink so badly. And it’s at all weird times of the day; mostly during the evening like at 7:30 on a Tuesday. A fuckin Tuesday! I’m not a week day drinker; I’m a weekend boozer, Friday, Saturday, maybe a Sunday. From me to be drinking on a Tuesday would require something special, like the Playoffs, and even then I’m not going on a bender. I don’t really go on benders during the weekend (anymore) so why do I want it on a Tuesday?!

The other reason is to help me lose weight. Less booze, less calorie intake, less I have to work off. That’s all gone in the shitter since I seem to be eating I hell of a lot more, especially sweets, candy and all kinds of fucking sugar. But this is a rant for another day.

So you maybe saying to yourself “Hey, Easter was weeks ago! Why are you having sure a hard time with this now”, that’s true but the fact is that I could not stick with it during Lent; I’d break down every time I try to get started. And then there is St. Patrick’s Day, dead in the middle of Lent, a true bitch of a day to stop drinking if there ever was a day. So I pushed it back to the month of April and started my own personal Lent. I know it’s not the full time allowed in Lent but I think I may keep it this way. I get St. Pattie’s which is cool and I still get to practice self-discipline by giving up a simple luxury.

I’m so looking forward to May 1^st, and by that I mean May 1^st, 12:00 am. I’m going to get… something… my favorite beer or rum and wait till midnight! I’m over the hump now. Just two more weeks! I should do this with no real problem but the cravings are still there. My biggest fear is that I have a monkey on my back which I never until now.

Updates and Shit!!

One of the reasons I don't update my blog is I don't like all the typing. I'm the slowest typist ever and my grammar and spelling is God awful. I actually don't 'hunt and peck', but I still have to look at the keyboard sometimes while typing if I don't have my hand in the right place. And getting my thoughts together can be a chore. Rants are suppose to be long winded which given my lack of typing skill makes things a bit of a challenge.

Another reason for lack of updates is the fact that I hate cryin 'too' much about my life. So when thing go bad I clam up, which’s means no bloggin. I haven't quite yet figured out or at least keep the ball rollin on the things that I need to do in order to get my life in a better place. I believe my thoughts are more positive than they use to be, yet I have some of the worst bouts with depression that can least for weeks at a time. My doctor doesn't think I'm dealing with as he puts it "the D word" and believes I just have problems sleeping. I do have problems sleeping but that not the begging and end of it. I've got an appointment with a clinical research group that deals with depression and I will see if they can help me.

Well on to the updates...

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My last blog was about the dogshit I stepped in on my front porch in the middle of my door mat. This was not the last time it has happen however and this canine has switch from shitting on the door mate to pissing on the door. Like that is an improvement. It's happens about 4 more times, I always find it in the morning which leaves me to believe that it is a dog out for a morning walk with it's master. If I ever catch any of them in the act or leaving soon after that I can still put 2 & 2 together that it was them, I will beat them both to a bloody pile of flesh with the e 4' foot long 1" inch thick wooden rod that I keep at the front door for that special day. I will not kill them! Just hurt them really bad! I don't want them to die because then they won't learn their lesson.

I have started using a powder/gain animal repellent and it seem to work but I must make sure to lay down fresh powder after it rain or at the end of the month or they will be back. It's been two months since their last 'marking', we'll see how long I can keep them away.


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I've gained back ALL of the weight I lost when I started P90X. I hate that I can't stick with it because it works so well. I still have issues with the idea of dealing with a little bit of pain for 1.5 hours and the after work out lag/drain. Basically I'm being a bitch, and now I'm a fat bitch. I know this is the wrong kind of thinking but there's way too much truth to it. Scheduling is my biggest problem. Even if I can get up to do it 1, 2, say 4 days in a row something pops up and breaks my stride and then I start skipping days and then weeks and months and its 'HEY FATTY!' I’m not in the worst shape or anything, just out of shape; a skinny fat guy. My Body Mass Index says I’m officially overweight. My Body Mass Index says I’m officially overweight. Most of me is skin and bones, while the rest of me jiggles when I walk. Not cute.


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I'm still friends with a MILF named Val, mostly platonic but we might make out every now and then if the mood hits her and she's drunk enough. We're not just drinkin buddies, we hang out and talk outside of bars and we're even working on a children's book together, it's just hard trying to keep out of 'pussy pursuit' mode because I really want those panties. It's even worst when we're drinking together cause when she gets drunk, she gets horny, then she starts to talk about sex, A LOT, and about how much she likes giving blow jobs and how good she is in bed. I try to brush it off but come on, there's no way I can keep that up for long without making a move. So when it's time to say our goodbyes, we start making out and getting hot & heavy and that's when the bullshit kicks in.

You see for the longest time I thought that her problem with hooking up with me was the whole single mom bit and her kids and having a man in who can deal with it but that's not even the half of it. It turns out that there is/was another guy named Mike who she uses to work. I say ‘is/was’ because the guy is continually in and out of Val’s life. We both call him Mike2, because her ex-husband is named Mike as well, who shall be know as Mike1. Somehow, I avoided being Mike3 because like most people I know she references to me by my last name Calhoun. Anyways Val hooked up with Mike2 around the time she got divorced from Mike1 about 2 years ago. Mike2 is MARRIED!! However, Val was lead to believe that Mike2 was leaving his wife and was 'separated' or at lease that's what she wanted to believe. So with Val being the 'other woman', Mike2 really couldn't be with her like a 'regular' couple and they would just have 'business dinners' or the hook up out of town on 'business vacations'. Mike2 is rich, or at least well off finically to the point were care for a small family no problem, basically be a ‘good provider’, even more so in the fact that he has no kids of his own. His wife is his business partner, I don’t know what they do or sale but say if Mike2 really wanted to leave her, he’d be giving up a huge chuck of his business to her. Money talks, bullshit walks and the money says they are a happily married couple. Val doesn’t what to cheat on Mike2 (with me) because she loves him and knows he could be a ‘good provider’ for her family, even though Mike2 is cheating on his wife and wants nothing to do with Val’s kids or any kids for that matter. Val misses Mike1 very much because he was a ‘good provider’ for the kids, outside of that he seem to be mostly a jerk.


So, that leaves me…Mike3… popping in the picture a year and half ago. What do I have to offer besides my semi-good looks and arrested developed charm? NOTHING!! I don’t like kids and that’s putting in mildly and I can barely provide for myself let alone a family. In fact I represent more of what Val doesn’t want in her life than anything else. I’m a throw back to her wild days when booze and pointless sex were a plenty. An old part of Val’s personality but not it’s own personality that I like to call Wild Val. She told me some stories of life back in the day that makes ‘Girls Gone Wild’ seem a little tame. Drinking until 3am, fucking until drawn, sleeping until 2pm, work for 8 hours, repeat; and that was during the WEEK!! I would have loved to have met Wild Val, the real Wild Val when that was all she was. I just get to hang out with that ghost like part of her that is still alive, sitting back waiting in the shadows for that 3^rd glass of wine then slowly makes her way out, carefully trying not to spook the woman who is in charge now, we’ll call her Valerie. And that’s my problem, I’m friends with Valerie and Wild Val but I want to fuck Wild Val and she want me likewise but Valerie is having nothing to do with that and in the end, she is calling the shots. As much as I want Wild Val, I have to ignore her advances, and man can that woman advance. Wild Val and Valerie together make a total dick tease which can lead to blue-balls as I described in this blog from Nov 08 ( http://graphicbrat.blogspot.com/2008/11/milf-named-val.html ). But the good news is that I have learned what to look out for and if I keep my wits about me, Valerie and Wild Val can be my friend with any real headache or ball-ache on my part, and that way she can just be my friend Val.

Bad start for the day...

Here's a little something... So I wake you this morning not hungover, but still drunk. I gotta learn to stop drinking on the week days. And I'm all tried and my head is hurting because I didn't take any Advil the night before because I was out and too silly and or lazy to buy more the last time I was at the store. Killer beer fart are rolling out of my ass and I so just want to call in sick but I had stuff that need to be done at work so that's a 'no go'. Running late, I finally get dress and head to the door. I rip one last fart before stepping outside. As I'm locking my front door I smell something really, much worst than my farts. I look around and then down at my feet and there lay a pile of dog shit, right in the middle of my door mate. I of course responded in kind.

"MOTHERFUCKA!!"

Don't know who the nasty bastard was who left it there, but man... if I ever catch them; the dog is as good as dead.

I try to think of who could have done this; my asshole drug dealing neighors? No, I don't think they have a dog or at least I've heard one. You can't really hide the fact that you have a dog. The only thing I can think of is that it's some early moring asshole walking the mut and he decided to fuck with me.

Next time I will be ready!



Had to get this off my chest so I can move on.

Updates and things

I've made some small adjustments in my life since the last time I ranted, and things are starting to look better or at least feel better. About a month ago I started wearing a tie to work which is odd in a casual dress work place. People only would wear ties if they had to be in a meeting with other people wearing ties, so when I started to wear one, people think I'm going to a meeting and would ask me what's the meeting about. I'd tell them that there's no meeting and then they ask why am I wearing a tie; "Just because..." I'd response, which trips them out.

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So I fell off the wagon a bit and gained 5 pounds. It's took a month and a half but that's a lot of weight to put on, for me. I had stopped eating my veggies for some reason which is weird because I like veggies. The good news is that I finally found the pull up bar I was looking for. Now I can truly maximise my upper body work out, I'm looking forward to it. That with the veggies back in my regular diet will put me back on track.

Having a regular work out makes you learn things about your body that normally wouldn't show itself. Like how the whole right side of me is much weaker than the left. Do know why, it just is, I notice it most when doing push ups. Right side always wants to crap out first

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As far a MILF named Val, I've given up, again. I know of no man that has escaped the 'friend zone' without coming onto a large sum of money. So if I have to play the friend role then I'm doing it on my terms; I call when I want to, burp and make other disgusting nosies and do all the other things I want to do just like with all my other friends. The problem with the 'friend zone' is dude's tend to stay in 'pussy pursuit' mode which fucks with your head. I've learned you've got to disengage that pussy and find a new target, never to case that pussy again unless it literately falls on your dick. Then you're good.

A bitter sweet part to this is that she is no longer working at the council. I'll miss seeing her round perky ass everyday, but I lease I can completely control my interaction with her, so if all of her 'issues' start to bug me, I can make an effortless back for it.

Don't get me wrong, I still want in those panties, but I want in Samantha 38G or Maria Moore panties as well, and both of those thing aren't gonna happen... God I love them titties!!

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Primerica... My biggest personal failure and my biggest hope for the future. It all comes back to me. I am brain locked into doing all the time that keep me from reaching my goals. It's hard to change ones bad habits, at least all at once. I've seen major improvements in me and my daily habits that I know the I will make things work out the way they need to be. I'm getting better, it's merely the time it's taking which is way to long. Gonna keep pushing hard to get where I belong.

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On a final weird note I'm trying online dating, again. Every summer I jump back on this horse until it pisses me off and I jump and want to shot it. This one is a little different in that it's one of those sex hook up sites. Yes, I've fallen that low but I figure it cost the same as porn and I may actually get laid, so why not.

Wish me luck!!

Haven't ranted in a while...

Well, I've got new real news, nothing good anyways. Basically the same old shit. I'm still at my bullshit job which gets worst by the day; Comic art is going no where; I've got no money and I'm getting more broke by the day; My car is getting sick and of course my love life is still in the hole.

I'm feelin' kinda blue and I caught in a funk. Trying to stay focus and positive, it's very hard but I will keep trying.




Thanks for reading my belly aching.