Sunday, June 30, 2013
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
That's it for now...
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I also did the March Of Dimes, March for Babies last weekend. It was fun. I did it alone because everyone on our office team didn't show up. That doesn't matter seeing as how if they did, I wouldn't have walked with them because they're all slow and fat and would have held me up. The walk itself wasn't bad, not nearly as long as I figured a 3 mile walk would be. The only thing is my feet really started to hurt near the end, but I just need to get better shoes for walking. Afterward I grabbed some Subway and went home, watched some of the hockey playoffs, then took a super long nap. I guess the walk wore me out pretty good.
At 12am midnight May 1, I will have completed my month long no drinking period. So I will have a drink to celebrate. Not too much, I have to get up early that Saturday.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
So I've been popping my anti-depressants for about a little over month and I guess I can tell a little difference. It's all part of that chemical trail I'm doing to see if this drug which is normally used in physical therapy in the
I’ve stopped drinking alcohol this whole month. It’s been a real bitch for me, more than it should be. You see I normally follow the ‘tradition’ of giving up something for Lent (the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday; for those who may not know). I’m not Catholic, but I do believe in Jesus so giving on a habit for 40 days is a small price to pay for what Jesus did for us, dying for our sins. I’m not going to get all preachy here; this is more of a personal background story to what I’m really going with from the beginning.
So for a month or so I’d stop drinking for a few more reasons besides Lent. One of these to make sure I can actually do it and that I have enough will power to stay off booze for a month. This way if I can do a month I can do two months and then three and then six and so on, and I don’t have to worry too much about becoming an alcoholic. But I am having a harder time than usual this go around. It’s normally the first weekend which is the worst for that when the cravings kick in but normally after that it tappers off, but this time I’m thinking about it EVERYDAY!! I don’t ever remember wanting a drink so badly. And it’s at all weird times of the day; mostly during the evening like at 7:30 on a Tuesday. A fuckin Tuesday! I’m not a week day drinker; I’m a weekend boozer, Friday, Saturday, maybe a Sunday. From me to be drinking on a Tuesday would require something special, like the Playoffs, and even then I’m not going on a bender. I don’t really go on benders during the weekend (anymore) so why do I want it on a Tuesday?!
The other reason is to help me lose weight. Less booze, less calorie intake, less I have to work off. That’s all gone in the shitter since I seem to be eating I hell of a lot more, especially sweets, candy and all kinds of fucking sugar. But this is a rant for another day.
So you maybe saying to yourself “Hey, Easter was weeks ago! Why are you having sure a hard time with this now”, that’s true but the fact is that I could not stick with it during Lent; I’d break down every time I try to get started. And then there is St. Patrick’s Day, dead in the middle of Lent, a true bitch of a day to stop drinking if there ever was a day. So I pushed it back to the month of April and started my own personal Lent. I know it’s not the full time allowed in Lent but I think I may keep it this way. I get St. Pattie’s which is cool and I still get to practice self-discipline by giving up a simple luxury.
I’m so looking forward to May 1st, and by that I mean May 1st, 12:00 am. I’m going to get… something… my favorite beer or rum and wait till midnight! I’m over the hump now. Just two more weeks! I should do this with no real problem but the cravings are still there. My biggest fear is that I have a monkey on my back which I never until now.
Monday, March 08, 2010
One of the reasons I don't update my blog is I don't like all the typing. I'm the slowest typist ever and my grammar and spelling is God awful. I actually don't 'hunt and peck', but I still have to look at the keyboard sometimes while typing if I don't have my hand in the right place. And getting my thoughts together can be a chore. Rants are suppose to be long winded which given my lack of typing skill makes things a bit of a challenge.
Another reason for lack of updates is the fact that I hate cryin 'too' much about my life. So when thing go bad I clam up, which’s means no bloggin. I haven't quite yet figured out or at least keep the ball rollin on the things that I need to do in order to get my life in a better place. I believe my thoughts are more positive than they use to be, yet I have some of the worst bouts with depression that can least for weeks at a time. My doctor doesn't think I'm dealing with as he puts it "the D word" and believes I just have problems sleeping. I do have problems sleeping but that not the begging and end of it. I've got an appointment with a clinical research group that deals with depression and I will see if they can help me.
Well on to the updates...
My last blog was about the dogshit I stepped in on my front porch in the middle of my door mat. This was not the last time it has happen however and this canine has switch from shitting on the door mate to pissing on the door. Like that is an improvement. It's happens about 4 more times, I always find it in the morning which leaves me to believe that it is a dog out for a morning walk with it's master. If I ever catch any of them in the act or leaving soon after that I can still put 2 & 2 together that it was them, I will beat them both to a bloody pile of flesh with the e 4' foot long 1" inch thick wooden rod that I keep at the front door for that special day. I will not kill them! Just hurt them really bad! I don't want them to die because then they won't learn their lesson.
I have started using a powder/gain animal repellent and it seem to work but I must make sure to lay down fresh powder after it rain or at the end of the month or they will be back. It's been two months since their last 'marking', we'll see how long I can keep them away.
I've gained back ALL of the weight I lost when I started P90X. I hate that I can't stick with it because it works so well. I still have issues with the idea of dealing with a little bit of pain for 1.5 hours and the after work out lag/drain. Basically I'm being a bitch, and now I'm a fat bitch. I know this is the wrong kind of thinking but there's way too much truth to it. Scheduling is my biggest problem. Even if I can get up to do it 1, 2, say 4 days in a row something pops up and breaks my stride and then I start skipping days and then weeks and months and its 'HEY FATTY!' I’m not in the worst shape or anything, just out of shape; a skinny fat guy. My Body Mass Index says I’m officially overweight. My Body Mass Index says I’m officially overweight. Most of me is skin and bones, while the rest of me jiggles when I walk. Not cute.
I'm still friends with a MILF named Val, mostly platonic but we might make out every now and then if the mood hits her and she's drunk enough. We're not just drinkin buddies, we hang out and talk outside of bars and we're even working on a children's book together, it's just hard trying to keep out of 'pussy pursuit' mode because I really want those panties. It's even worst when we're drinking together cause when she gets drunk, she gets horny, then she starts to talk about sex, A LOT, and about how much she likes giving blow jobs and how good she is in bed. I try to brush it off but come on, there's no way I can keep that up for long without making a move. So when it's time to say our goodbyes, we start making out and getting hot & heavy and that's when the bullshit kicks in.
You see for the longest time I thought that her problem with hooking up with me was the whole single mom bit and her kids and having a man in who can deal with it but that's not even the half of it. It turns out that there is/was another guy named Mike who she uses to work. I say ‘is/was’ because the guy is continually in and out of Val’s life. We both call him Mike2, because her ex-husband is named Mike as well, who shall be know as Mike1. Somehow, I avoided being Mike3 because like most people I know she references to me by my last name Calhoun. Anyways Val hooked up with Mike2 around the time she got divorced from Mike1 about 2 years ago. Mike2 is MARRIED!! However, Val was lead to believe that Mike2 was leaving his wife and was 'separated' or at lease that's what she wanted to believe. So with Val being the 'other woman', Mike2 really couldn't be with her like a 'regular' couple and they would just have 'business dinners' or the hook up out of town on 'business vacations'. Mike2 is rich, or at least well off finically to the point were care for a small family no problem, basically be a ‘good provider’, even more so in the fact that he has no kids of his own. His wife is his business partner, I don’t know what they do or sale but say if Mike2 really wanted to leave her, he’d be giving up a huge chuck of his business to her. Money talks, bullshit walks and the money says they are a happily married couple. Val doesn’t what to cheat on Mike2 (with me) because she loves him and knows he could be a ‘good provider’ for her family, even though Mike2 is cheating on his wife and wants nothing to do with Val’s kids or any kids for that matter. Val misses Mike1 very much because he was a ‘good provider’ for the kids, outside of that he seem to be mostly a jerk.
So, that leaves me…Mike3… popping in the picture a year and half ago. What do I have to offer besides my semi-good looks and arrested developed charm? NOTHING!! I don’t like kids and that’s putting in mildly and I can barely provide for myself let alone a family. In fact I represent more of what Val doesn’t want in her life than anything else. I’m a throw back to her wild days when booze and pointless sex were a plenty. An old part of Val’s personality but not it’s own personality that I like to call Wild Val. She told me some stories of life back in the day that makes ‘Girls Gone Wild’ seem a little tame. Drinking until 3am, fucking until drawn, sleeping until 2pm, work for 8 hours, repeat; and that was during the WEEK!! I would have loved to have met Wild Val, the real Wild Val when that was all she was. I just get to hang out with that ghost like part of her that is still alive, sitting back waiting in the shadows for that 3rd glass of wine then slowly makes her way out, carefully trying not to spook the woman who is in charge now, we’ll call her Valerie. And that’s my problem, I’m friends with Valerie and Wild Val but I want to fuck Wild Val and she want me likewise but Valerie is having nothing to do with that and in the end, she is calling the shots. As much as I want Wild Val, I have to ignore her advances, and man can that woman advance. Wild Val and Valerie together make a total dick tease which can lead to blue-balls as I described in this blog from Nov 08 ( http://graphicbrat.blogspot.com/2008/11/milf-named-val.html ). But the good news is that I have learned what to look out for and if I keep my wits about me, Valerie and Wild Val can be my friend with any real headache or ball-ache on my part, and that way she can just be my friend Val.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Don't know who the nasty bastard was who left it there, but man... if I ever catch them; the dog is as good as dead.
I try to think of who could have done this; my asshole drug dealing neighors? No, I don't think they have a dog or at least I've heard one. You can't really hide the fact that you have a dog. The only thing I can think of is that it's some early moring asshole walking the mut and he decided to fuck with me.
Next time I will be ready!
Had to get this off my chest so I can move on.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Wish me luck!!