More crap from me...

Haven't blogged here in a while, been over a year. I guess I'm restarting trying to boost up...something... I don't know... my readership on the incredibly unimportant happenings of my life . Not sure why I am, I had stopped because I had nothing nothing good to say, and still don't. A lot has happened over the past year but nothing I can think of worth going into. Still at war with myself, my weight, my art, my lack of a love life and my love of booze. Now that is the part I can't understand is why I continue the self imposed probation when time after time I've proven to myself that alcohol is a neutral factor my the path of improving my life. It's doesn't help, AT ALL, but in moderate amounts it does not hurt neither. Which is what I guess why I'm really blogging, to get my thoughts out, to help evaluate the goings on in my life. By openly stating my problems and issues I am see solutions in the words I've written more than the ones in my head.


That's it for now...

Quick update

I've been working out on and off for the past month and the hurting is starting to kick in. I'm getting further long in the program in such that I'm lasting longer through the work outs. I'm able to do a little more and with that it hurts a little more.

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I also did the March Of Dimes, March for Babies last weekend. It was fun. I did it alone because everyone on our office team didn't show up. That doesn't matter seeing as how if they did, I wouldn't have walked with them because they're all slow and fat and would have held me up. The walk itself wasn't bad, not nearly as long as I figured a 3 mile walk would be. The only thing is my feet really started to hurt near the end, but I just need to get better shoes for walking. Afterward I grabbed some Subway and went home, watched some of the hockey playoffs, then took a super long nap. I guess the walk wore me out pretty good.

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At 12am midnight May 1, I will have completed my month long no drinking period. So I will have a drink to celebrate. Not too much, I have to get up early that Saturday.

On my meds, and off the booze...

So I've been popping my anti-depressants for about a little over month and I guess I can tell a little difference. It's all part of that chemical trail I'm doing to see if this drug which is normally used in physical therapy in the US and England can also be used as an anti-depression medication. I've had less deep mood swings and lows and I can identify those rapid negative thoughts a lot easier than I use to, as in the past they were just part of my normal thought processes. I was and still I'm putting myself down and not thinking in the matter that is healthy for me but I am getting better.

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I’ve stopped drinking alcohol this whole month. It’s been a real bitch for me, more than it should be. You see I normally follow the ‘tradition’ of giving up something for Lent (the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday; for those who may not know). I’m not Catholic, but I do believe in Jesus so giving on a habit for 40 days is a small price to pay for what Jesus did for us, dying for our sins. I’m not going to get all preachy here; this is more of a personal background story to what I’m really going with from the beginning.

So for a month or so I’d stop drinking for a few more reasons besides Lent. One of these to make sure I can actually do it and that I have enough will power to stay off booze for a month. This way if I can do a month I can do two months and then three and then six and so on, and I don’t have to worry too much about becoming an alcoholic. But I am having a harder time than usual this go around. It’s normally the first weekend which is the worst for that when the cravings kick in but normally after that it tappers off, but this time I’m thinking about it EVERYDAY!! I don’t ever remember wanting a drink so badly. And it’s at all weird times of the day; mostly during the evening like at 7:30 on a Tuesday. A fuckin Tuesday! I’m not a week day drinker; I’m a weekend boozer, Friday, Saturday, maybe a Sunday. From me to be drinking on a Tuesday would require something special, like the Playoffs, and even then I’m not going on a bender. I don’t really go on benders during the weekend (anymore) so why do I want it on a Tuesday?!

The other reason is to help me lose weight. Less booze, less calorie intake, less I have to work off. That’s all gone in the shitter since I seem to be eating I hell of a lot more, especially sweets, candy and all kinds of fucking sugar. But this is a rant for another day.

So you maybe saying to yourself “Hey, Easter was weeks ago! Why are you having sure a hard time with this now”, that’s true but the fact is that I could not stick with it during Lent; I’d break down every time I try to get started. And then there is St. Patrick’s Day, dead in the middle of Lent, a true bitch of a day to stop drinking if there ever was a day. So I pushed it back to the month of April and started my own personal Lent. I know it’s not the full time allowed in Lent but I think I may keep it this way. I get St. Pattie’s which is cool and I still get to practice self-discipline by giving up a simple luxury.

I’m so looking forward to May 1^st, and by that I mean May 1^st, 12:00 am. I’m going to get… something… my favorite beer or rum and wait till midnight! I’m over the hump now. Just two more weeks! I should do this with no real problem but the cravings are still there. My biggest fear is that I have a monkey on my back which I never until now.

Updates and Shit!!

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Bad start for the day...

Here's a little something... So I wake you this morning not hungover, but still drunk. I gotta learn to stop drinking on the week days. And I'm all tried and my head is hurting because I didn't take any Advil the night before because I was out and too silly and or lazy to buy more the last time I was at the store. Killer beer fart are rolling out of my ass and I so just want to call in sick but I had stuff that need to be done at work so that's a 'no go'. Running late, I finally get dress and head to the door. I rip one last fart before stepping outside. As I'm locking my front door I smell something really, much worst than my farts. I look around and then down at my feet and there lay a pile of dog shit, right in the middle of my door mate. I of course responded in kind.

"MOTHERFUCKA!!"

Don't know who the nasty bastard was who left it there, but man... if I ever catch them; the dog is as good as dead.

I try to think of who could have done this; my asshole drug dealing neighors? No, I don't think they have a dog or at least I've heard one. You can't really hide the fact that you have a dog. The only thing I can think of is that it's some early moring asshole walking the mut and he decided to fuck with me.

Next time I will be ready!



Had to get this off my chest so I can move on.

Updates and things

I've made some small adjustments in my life since the last time I ranted, and things are starting to look better or at least feel better. About a month ago I started wearing a tie to work which is odd in a casual dress work place. People only would wear ties if they had to be in a meeting with other people wearing ties, so when I started to wear one, people think I'm going to a meeting and would ask me what's the meeting about. I'd tell them that there's no meeting and then they ask why am I wearing a tie; "Just because..." I'd response, which trips them out.

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So I fell off the wagon a bit and gained 5 pounds. It's took a month and a half but that's a lot of weight to put on, for me. I had stopped eating my veggies for some reason which is weird because I like veggies. The good news is that I finally found the pull up bar I was looking for. Now I can truly maximise my upper body work out, I'm looking forward to it. That with the veggies back in my regular diet will put me back on track.

Having a regular work out makes you learn things about your body that normally wouldn't show itself. Like how the whole right side of me is much weaker than the left. Do know why, it just is, I notice it most when doing push ups. Right side always wants to crap out first

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As far a MILF named Val, I've given up, again. I know of no man that has escaped the 'friend zone' without coming onto a large sum of money. So if I have to play the friend role then I'm doing it on my terms; I call when I want to, burp and make other disgusting nosies and do all the other things I want to do just like with all my other friends. The problem with the 'friend zone' is dude's tend to stay in 'pussy pursuit' mode which fucks with your head. I've learned you've got to disengage that pussy and find a new target, never to case that pussy again unless it literately falls on your dick. Then you're good.

A bitter sweet part to this is that she is no longer working at the council. I'll miss seeing her round perky ass everyday, but I lease I can completely control my interaction with her, so if all of her 'issues' start to bug me, I can make an effortless back for it.

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Primerica... My biggest personal failure and my biggest hope for the future. It all comes back to me. I am brain locked into doing all the time that keep me from reaching my goals. It's hard to change ones bad habits, at least all at once. I've seen major improvements in me and my daily habits that I know the I will make things work out the way they need to be. I'm getting better, it's merely the time it's taking which is way to long. Gonna keep pushing hard to get where I belong.

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On a final weird note I'm trying online dating, again. Every summer I jump back on this horse until it pisses me off and I jump and want to shot it. This one is a little different in that it's one of those sex hook up sites. Yes, I've fallen that low but I figure it cost the same as porn and I may actually get laid, so why not.

Wish me luck!!

Haven't ranted in a while...

Well, I've got new real news, nothing good anyways. Basically the same old shit. I'm still at my bullshit job which gets worst by the day; Comic art is going no where; I've got no money and I'm getting more broke by the day; My car is getting sick and of course my love life is still in the hole.

I'm feelin' kinda blue and I caught in a funk. Trying to stay focus and positive, it's very hard but I will keep trying.




Thanks for reading my belly aching.

A MILF named Val - again, Jerks for Friends, P90X update

Okay, I'm thinking about giving up on Val. I've been trying for months now to hook up with her and I'm getting no where. Maybe we’ll just have to be friends. We can't even keep a simple 'happy hour' date; although they're not really official dates, just hanging out time. One of two things will happen; some last minute emergency with her kids will come up and she'll have to cancel so she can take them to baseball practice, or pick them up from their grandmothers or work with them on a last minute school projects or their dad just can't get away to take them on 'his' night for the kids. Her two little boys have been cock blocking me for months now and I'm sick of it.

Next time I date a woman with kids I'm gonna do what another guy did and date a woman who doesn't have custody and just load of free time. The other thing that has gotten in the way is my fucking job. This rat’s nest has hit an all time low now that it's affecting my love life or more accurately blocking the development of one. Too many times have I tried to get out of here to see Val and I get caught with some last minute bullshit. Nobody was thinking about me all fucking week and then its 40 minutes till I'm out the door and BANG! Gotcha sucker! I guess that Val is interested in me, I can never really tell if women are digging me, or just kinda like me, or just being nice but really want me to go away. Doesn’t matter, I need to start looking elsewhere anyways.

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My friends are jerks, all of them, in one way or fashion or another they are jerks. I guess I attract jerky people, because I’m a pretty jerky person myself. I have jerky friends and yet it still surprises me when any of them start acting like a really big jerk or start liking like a jerk to me.

I’ve known this guy named Chris for a long time and there’s a lot to tell but I don’t want to take all day with it so long story short. Chris is dating a woman named Kendra; Kendra has 3 kids (more MILF drama); Chris doesn’t like kids but fakes the funk to get the girl; Kendra finally realizes it and tells Chris to shit or get off the pot, Chris doesn’t shit, Kendra kicks him off the pot; Chris stops talking to ME because of his break up with Kendra since he knows I’m not gonna listen to sob stories about his inability to commit; Kendra comes to ME to cry on my shoulder since I’ve always known what kinda jerk Chris was and now she can spill her guts; Kendra gets it out of her system and is now too busy to talk to ME since all the crying is done; I say “FUCK’EM” about both of them and go own with my life; Kendra and Chris are friends again but see I not dealing with them; Kendra offers lame weak ass hand in friendship; I continue to go about my life my free and clean of two jerks.
The moral of the story is: If you got jerks for friends, then you need to be the biggest jerk of them all.

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I took my P90X before pictures and God do I look gross! There’s’ nothing that looks worst then a ‘skinny-fat’ man. My arms and legs are thin and under developed, I’m growing bitch tits, I’ve got a big frog like pouch under my chin, not enough for a double chin but enough to fat out my head and face, and there’s the gut… That huge man pregger bulge that looks like I’m ready to drop a 20lb 8 month old baby. The lame ass crunches that I’ve been doing for years have only gone as far as adding definition to my gut by highlighting where muscle should be and keeping the fat broken up on those areas, instead of one big mass of fat.
So I’ve been working out for a little over a month and I’ve got good new and bad news.

Good news is that I’ve lost 10lbs last month, down to 175. I’m easily fitting into pants I haven’t worn in years. I feel better psychically and mentally about me and just things in general. I was seriously thinking about getting anti-depressants some time ago but fuck that shit now. If I’m blue, I know what to do! I’m seeing small signs of muscle development and I feel my arms and legs getting tighter and stronger.

Bad news is that I’ve been working out for a little over a month and half of that time I skipped my workout. I’ve been keeping a workout log like the said and out of the 35 days I’ve been on the program, I skipped 18 days. Not all in a row, but a day here, a day there, a whole weekend here, 3 days on, 1 day off, 2 days on, 2 days off and the time adds up. Meaning the great results I gotten already could have been double if I kept up with it better.

This adds to the good news in that I know what to do and that when it’s done right, it works and best of all I know I can do it.

P90X, Val the MILF & her kids, and bullshit B-day wishes

I got my order of P90X DVD exercise program a couple of day ago. Final was able to start it and man did it kick my ass!! But in a good way, a damn good work out. I'm actually looking forward to working out which is really weird. I still need to take my before and after pics for the program, they highly recommend it. I'll keep you posted on my progress.

The biggest problem about MILFs are the fact that they have kids. I know that the whole point of being a MILF but it really puts a damper on things. I meet one of Val's kids yesterday. The funny thing is that we both had the same reaction to each other as to say "Whoa! Who the hell are you?!" We were done with each other after the firs few seconds, I'm not one for kids and they are not one for me. But that okay because it's not my concern, I'm interested in the woman, not her kids.

My lame ass co-workers are taking me out for a belated-birthday lunch today, 3 weeks after the fact. Now I'm not one for birthdays, not mine or anyone else's so I say if you really don't give a fuck, then don't brother me. But I can't complain too much, my father's birthday was the day after mine and I've been walking around with his birthday card in my portfolio for almost a month.

Oh well...

My Knee Hurts...And Bitches From The Past.

It's like an aching arthritis pain in my left knee... I'm getting old. It’s done this before. I can’t remember when it started or why outside of me being old. Normally it last for a day or two then fades away…

Oh!! Check this shit out!! My ex-girlfriend from college sent me a friend request on Facebook! That fucking bitch created on me when we were dating and now after all this time she wants to put me on her ‘buddy list’! I’m insulted by the notion of it. It’s been 10 years and I haven't given her any thought in a long time. Mainly because I’ve had other bitched in my life that have taken the top space on the list of ‘The Most Hated’ since then. I believe that’s one of the keys of life is to keep having ‘fresh’ ex-es.

More later… maybe.

Working It In '09

Well two weeks into the new year and I'm still doing the same old shit. I'm working on it but it's slow and hard work with little results. One of my biggest goals is to lose this fucking beer belly gut of mine! Come next payday on the 23rd I'm going to order that exercise program P90X, it looks pretty good and I need something to keep me working out that has some results. They say money guarantee if I don't like it within 30 days and the promise good result in 30 days as well, so I can really lose, much.

I'm still working on bad habits that have kept me of succeeding with Primerica. I still have to past the Life Insurance exam and I fuckin hate studying for it and will find any excuse not to do it. I totally believe in Primerica, I just don't believe in myself which is the main problem for everything in my life. I screwed up and didn't set the exam date that I wanted, partly because of lack of funds at the time, but mostly because I didn't prepare ahead. I will do better, I just have to keep working on it. Writing this blog help me get out all the poop that's in my head and allows me to work on positive thinking (by writing it).

I'm working on a better me. My future will be much greater than my past. When I get my body in shape I will have the energy to do the things I need to all the time. I won't feel like a bloated loser but instead I will be a strong person in body and in mind.

I've been keeping a daily log for Primerica which has personal thing in it as well. I haven't been on it as much as I should but I've kept with it. As soon as I'm done here I'm going to go work on it. The log helps me with daily goals and is a good way to stay on things.

I will make more entries in my blog as it is a good way to see my thoughts and work them out.


Later

A MILF Named Val

This story is true. The names have been change to protect my ass and I really don't want to here any shit... On second thought, fuck it, I'll tell you who they are! Like they would ever read this and even if they did, so what!

Okay, Sherman set the 'Wayback Machine' to October 17, 2008. I'm out drinking with some of the guys from work, a very, very rare event. We were all at a little restaurant called the Sangria's, drinking wine and over priced beer. As the night went on and the light weights fell off it came down to just the three of us; this big bastard named Jason and a recently divorced MILF named Valerie and myself. So we're having a good time, 'happy hour' is long since over and now we've turned into the loud drunk people spoiling the nice romantic evening for others. Even though none of us care, we grow tried of the dirty looks from others and pay our tabs.

It was just after 10pm and Val & I were not ready to go home yet so we talked Jason into going to a local sports bar and grill for more beer and nachos. So we're heading out and I'm not sure who asked or how it was arranged but Val ended up leaving her car at Sangria's and went with Jason in his car while I drove separately. We get to the the sports bar find a booth and ordered a huge plate of nacho and beer, after beer, after beer, after beer. Odd drunken conversations are belting at each other in loud drunk people voices, even for a sports bar. Jason and I learn Val's real age which is much more than we would ever guess and we declare her a True MILF. Now as we're seated me on one side and Val and Jason on the other it was some time before I noticed that Val keeps kicking and bumping my legs. Not hard but enough to get my attention. Then I realized that she's playing footsie with me. When it comes to women I am as slow and as thick as they come. I truly don't have a clue and most of the time, by the time I figure it out, it way too late. It was getting late it the evening and Jason was losing stream so we all paid up (somehow I didn't chip in for the nachos, I feel like such a cheap bastard) and we all headed for the door.

Outside well after 1am, Val turns to me and ask if she could ride with me back to her car at Sangria's but for some reason Jason steps in and insisted that she ride with him. So now I thinking is Jason making a move on Val or is he cock blocking for no reason or is he even more thick headed than I am about women and had no idea what was going on. I was going with the last one. So I say fine I'll meet up there is make sure everything is okay. A short trip later Jason is dropping off Val to her car while I sit in mine with the motor running. Jason drives away which makes me think that the answers my question before is that he didn't know. He still could have been playing dumb and if so then he was cock blocking cause he didn't need to be there. So Val now in her car, fumbles about with her phone trying to dial my number. Finally connecting she says to follow her to her apartment; duh! I'm not that thick. Trailing close behind, watching her swerve all over the road while laughing to myself at the two drunk drivers playing 'follow my leader' we make it safely enough to Val's place. A high end gated apartment complex on one of the nicer parts of town where I park my rusty '95 Honda Accord in a open space while Val pulls into her garage.

Valerie offers a beer and then gives a quick tour of her home. I was liking the place a lot, high ceiling, nice wood floors and a awesome patio. We're talking and drinking, I'm rubbing her feet as I tell her of my adventures I had while running with a pack of lesbians for two years. Why I tell women that story I have no idea but I continue to do so. Anyways, I'm babbling and she babbling and we stop only to look at the stars and to yell at other drunks who are making more noise than we are. Finally I look her in the eye and tell her to kiss me. She does and we start making out like love starved teenagers. I move my hand onto her breasts and start to work her plump C cups out of her padded bra. Padded bra? I was wondering why she would wear a padded bra, then I freed Valerie's left breast and gazed upon the largest, prettiest pink nipple you've ever seen. I imminently put it in my mouth and work my tongue all over her nip as she began to moan and quiver. I loosened the right breast and started on it while lightly stroking her nipple on the left as Val was saying something about 'God', I couldn't make it out but I figured it was good. We continue to kiss and hold one another, nice deep kiss with just the right amount of tongue, Valerie is a great kisser. One of my few specialties is my hugs, women love my hugs because if I may say so myself, I give great hugs. Nice and tight but not too much, just a big loving squeeze the way a hug should be. On the other hand one of my biggest problems is that I've always had a problem with bras. I can never figure them out. I've rarely gotten a bra off a woman without her helping me. At least I can says that despite my working knowledge of women's under garment they were still interested. Knowing this and the fact of how drunk I was, I decided to get the bra later and start working on the panties, squeezing her nice round ass.

Suddenly Val pulled away and softly whispered "I can't. You should go." Now, I've always been a push over as far as women go and the times when 'no' could be 'maybe' to me have always been 'NO!' I wanted to make sure, so I asked her, "Are you sure?" as I kissed her once more. Sadly she replied, "I'm sorry, but I can't do this. You've to go home now." "Okay." I said almost with a pout. We said our goodbyes as I snuck in another hug, then she literately pushes me out the door. I break out the squeegee from my trunk and clean off the mist from the windows of my car. I then hoped in and proceeded to drive the drunkest I've ever been in my life. I've driven drunk before and the thing I always tried to remember is that 'I'm driving drunk! Watch it!' but not that night. Horny as fuck, and bit pissed off too I'm gunning the greem lights, driving real fast and just being a basic jerk behind the wheel begging to be pulled over. I make it home with out incident and stubble into the house. I fall right on top of the bed too tired and drunk to even crank one out to relive the pressure, I pass out and sleep till noon the next day.

I made a 'Courtesy Call' that afternoon to tell Valerie that despite the handover I had a wonderful time, I got no answer so I left a voicemail. Things were weird at work for a while. We talked about how 'odd' it was for that to happen and we should just be cool. So we had been just minding our own business at first but now we talk more and more all the time. We've even hung out, just the two of us for drinks. With a bit of luck and patience we maybe able to work our way back to where we left off and take it even further.

I hate my fuckin job! I've been at this rat nest for 10 fucking years! I feel like I'm doing time for a crime I didn't commit. I’m surrounded by backstabbing snakes, weasels and rat whores! If I don’t get off my ass and make the necessary moves to change my lot in life then I’m going to go crazy.

Hello! This will be the place were I bitch about my life. The other blog is were I bitch about other ... things.

GREETINGS!!

THIS IS ME WASTING TOO MUCH OF MY TIME!!